Failing scares the hell out of me! "One Day at a time"

So, I've been working out for the past week or so.. am too scared to tell anyone about it because am afraid i'll jinx it.. I've been saying to myself, "One Day at a Time" and it seems to be working great for me..

I hold my breath sometimes just to make sure nothing changes.. that's silly i know.. but I've been down this road before and I know how it always ends..

But I really wanna do this,, more than anything in the world, i want people to look at me and wonder for a second if am really me, because i lost so much weight.. tHIS is going to happen.. I WILL it to happen, and it will happen..

This isn't about me being motivated.. this is about me having NO other choice...

I will do this...
One Day at a time!

I am tired

I realize I haven't been posting in a for a while..

So here's what happened.. Previously in MY LIFE:

- Am Studying in Australia
- I'll be here for another Year
- I am very unhappy with my life
- I don't know how to fix it
- It's very much connected to me being overweight, actually, Obese
- I try to hide the fact that am bothered and unhappy
- It's not working out for me
- I know it's up to me, but it's not easy
- I miss my family, my friends
- I can't wait to go back home this summer/winter in australia
- I feel soooo lonely, even though am here with one of my closest friends
- I don't write as often as I'd like to.. which bothers me very much
- I spoke with this guy I was very much in love with, and felt that my life hasn't changed to the better; it's been 4 years or so
- I am 21, almost 22
- I feel like crying all the time
- I do have a problem, no one is supposed to be this unhappy and NOT do anything about it
- I know that people are going to read this, and I honestly don't care
- This is the only place I can be completely 100% my self.. and I was never able to
- I am just talking now..
- I wish I can take charge of my life

I am tired