Wednesday, November 21, 2007

I realized that ....

I have cut myself from everyone and everything this last week! And it felt damn great to shut down from all the “weight loss” crap in my head, and from my friends who now know that I am on a weight loss journey and sometimes feel so awkward when they are eating a chocolate cake, which is weird because I don’t mind that, I even had some of the cake!

So, here’s what happened! This week was supposed to be my medical examination that I needed to complete for my student visa requirements, which is such a hassle. So I went to see the doctor on Sunday night and he scolded me about me weight – as if I didn’t already scold myself – and I felt so bad because I didn’t intend to get to this weight; things happen and I decided to move on and I am now moving on!

So the doctor really got me down, and he told me that he was concerned and that I needed to see a specialist so that he makes sure that I am not medically ill and that I am otherwise healthy and able to live on my own and that my weight won’t be an obstacle when it comes to Uni. And also, since I am anemic, that made him worry even more. He put me on the scale and I weighed at 122.3 KG and he said that I should be eating 1000 calories per day, not 1200, not 1500…

He asked me to do a blood test the day after, and after the results come out, I should see the specialist. I did exactly that and for two days, I didn’t do ANYTHING, I didn’t obsess about weight stuff, about exercising or any of that. Which didn’t really feel that great, but I was so paralyzed by what the blood test results might show (I was freaked that my blood hemoglobin would be too low and that I might need a blood transfusion). So, I ate around 3 times a day, stopped when I felt that I wasn’t hungry any more, and did nothing but stay in bed and read books!

When I went to the specialist he told me that my hemoglobin was 10.3, which is still lower than the range of healthy (12 – 15) for women, but I felt great because it was higher than last time (8). He gave me iron tablets to bring that up.

Anyway, he put me on the scale, and guess what!?! I weighed 121.3 KG!!! I was thrilled; I actually lost weight in those 2 days! And today, I weighed in after 2 days and I weigh 120.7…!

I have been eating healthy for the past month or so, I have been moving around, working out whenever I am free, but not as much as I would like! If am craving brownies, I make my own, but make sure they are low fat with less calories… which is amazing because they taste great..

I realized that I can’t and won’t allow myself to be obsessed about my weight! I will still lose it, and my goal is still to be 50 Kgs by next year, but that doesn’t mean that this journey needs to take over my life… it gets me down when I weigh myself and find that I haven’t lost any weight or gained or whatever..

So what I will do now is everything I know HOW to do; keep eating healthy, eat what I want, eat less, and move around whenever I can. And that makes me happy!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Bad news + really bad news

well, the bad news is that I haven't really lost any weight, in fact, I think i might've gained! I used the hospital's scales to weigh myself

and the really bad news is that my student visa (medical check) is being delaid because of my weight! :S

I am Morbidly Obese, my BMI is 49.. and I NEED TO LOSE ATLEAST 20 KGS in the coming 2 months :(


I am very depressed, and I have no idea what the doctor will tell me when I see him after tomorrow!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

1 KG DOWN in one week!

YAAAAAAY

I am very happy... I lost one KG in a week..

and i've been eating healthy (i can still do better)
and i am working out.. i started with 30 minutes, then 45 minutes, and yesterday i did 60 minutes :D an HOUR!!! yay!!

hehehe.. i am not going to work out everyday, but atleast 4 times a week.. and i'll always make sure i get atleast 30 minutes per work out..

currently, i am trying to find something that would help me lose a LOT of weight in a short period of time, just enough to kinda show.. then i guess i'll just keep losing it :D

am also trying to find something that goes with my BODY!!

yay, wish me luck!

Friday, November 9, 2007

Online Trainer + New Goal by next Feb! :)

I am starting to feel really lousy about myself and my stupid goals that I never keep up!!


I AM SOOOOOOO SICK OF MY WEIGHT!!!!!!!!


I NEEEEEEEEEED TO LOOOOOSE IT ALLLLLLLLLL>>>


ok, so by chance the other day, I met this guy online who REALLY keeps pushing me towards my goal.. so, by the time it's time for me to leave to australia, I should be around 110 kgs or less.. am 124 at the moment.. so that's around 15 kgs in about 3 months...!!

I am happy with it.. but ofcourse, I get my depression momentS!!!!

Saturday, November 3, 2007

I got in, and I don't know how to lose the weight!

So, I received my offer from Griffith University in Australia,, and I am very very happy. My friend just left to Australia about 2 hours ago, she has an English course to finish,, when she left, and I got in, I really felt a pit at the bottom of my stomach cuz this is REALLY REALLY happening,, and I still didn’t lose any weight!!

I have around 3 months now, and I just feel like I need to lose like 20 kilos :P

I don't know what to do to get there though. I am looking up for a membership at some gym, but who's to say that I'll go everyday, I am very lazy, and I work till around 5:30, sooo I'd have to go immediately after work!! that's too much I think!

totally random thought: I kinda miss having a boy friend