I realized that ....

I have cut myself from everyone and everything this last week! And it felt damn great to shut down from all the “weight loss” crap in my head, and from my friends who now know that I am on a weight loss journey and sometimes feel so awkward when they are eating a chocolate cake, which is weird because I don’t mind that, I even had some of the cake!

So, here’s what happened! This week was supposed to be my medical examination that I needed to complete for my student visa requirements, which is such a hassle. So I went to see the doctor on Sunday night and he scolded me about me weight – as if I didn’t already scold myself – and I felt so bad because I didn’t intend to get to this weight; things happen and I decided to move on and I am now moving on!

So the doctor really got me down, and he told me that he was concerned and that I needed to see a specialist so that he makes sure that I am not medically ill and that I am otherwise healthy and able to live on my own and that my weight won’t be an obstacle when it comes to Uni. And also, since I am anemic, that made him worry even more. He put me on the scale and I weighed at 122.3 KG and he said that I should be eating 1000 calories per day, not 1200, not 1500…

He asked me to do a blood test the day after, and after the results come out, I should see the specialist. I did exactly that and for two days, I didn’t do ANYTHING, I didn’t obsess about weight stuff, about exercising or any of that. Which didn’t really feel that great, but I was so paralyzed by what the blood test results might show (I was freaked that my blood hemoglobin would be too low and that I might need a blood transfusion). So, I ate around 3 times a day, stopped when I felt that I wasn’t hungry any more, and did nothing but stay in bed and read books!

When I went to the specialist he told me that my hemoglobin was 10.3, which is still lower than the range of healthy (12 – 15) for women, but I felt great because it was higher than last time (8). He gave me iron tablets to bring that up.

Anyway, he put me on the scale, and guess what!?! I weighed 121.3 KG!!! I was thrilled; I actually lost weight in those 2 days! And today, I weighed in after 2 days and I weigh 120.7…!

I have been eating healthy for the past month or so, I have been moving around, working out whenever I am free, but not as much as I would like! If am craving brownies, I make my own, but make sure they are low fat with less calories… which is amazing because they taste great..

I realized that I can’t and won’t allow myself to be obsessed about my weight! I will still lose it, and my goal is still to be 50 Kgs by next year, but that doesn’t mean that this journey needs to take over my life… it gets me down when I weigh myself and find that I haven’t lost any weight or gained or whatever..

So what I will do now is everything I know HOW to do; keep eating healthy, eat what I want, eat less, and move around whenever I can. And that makes me happy!