Failing is not an issue anymore

I haven't been doing anything drastic.. but I am losing weight slowly and i like it.. it shows on me and people are noticing and I am noticing..

I am eating right, at the right times and it's all automatic.. I suppose that's the goal.. My stomach is programed now. If i eat and am full, I stop. JUST like that.. and as for exercise, it is still not in my program, but it's ok.. it's not the right time for me..

I think i am just starting to figure it out!

Failing scares the hell out of me! "One Day at a time"

So, I've been working out for the past week or so.. am too scared to tell anyone about it because am afraid i'll jinx it.. I've been saying to myself, "One Day at a Time" and it seems to be working great for me..

I hold my breath sometimes just to make sure nothing changes.. that's silly i know.. but I've been down this road before and I know how it always ends..

But I really wanna do this,, more than anything in the world, i want people to look at me and wonder for a second if am really me, because i lost so much weight.. tHIS is going to happen.. I WILL it to happen, and it will happen..

This isn't about me being motivated.. this is about me having NO other choice...

I will do this...
One Day at a time!

I am tired

I realize I haven't been posting in a for a while..

So here's what happened.. Previously in MY LIFE:

- Am Studying in Australia
- I'll be here for another Year
- I am very unhappy with my life
- I don't know how to fix it
- It's very much connected to me being overweight, actually, Obese
- I try to hide the fact that am bothered and unhappy
- It's not working out for me
- I know it's up to me, but it's not easy
- I miss my family, my friends
- I can't wait to go back home this summer/winter in australia
- I feel soooo lonely, even though am here with one of my closest friends
- I don't write as often as I'd like to.. which bothers me very much
- I spoke with this guy I was very much in love with, and felt that my life hasn't changed to the better; it's been 4 years or so
- I am 21, almost 22
- I feel like crying all the time
- I do have a problem, no one is supposed to be this unhappy and NOT do anything about it
- I know that people are going to read this, and I honestly don't care
- This is the only place I can be completely 100% my self.. and I was never able to
- I am just talking now..
- I wish I can take charge of my life

I am tired

New Beginning

I've only been in australia for one month and people already noticed my weight loss...

Even though I haven't really lost any weight.. I am home for one week, and basically everyone is very imperessed with me.. I am impressed aswell..

Anyways.. I want to keep this blog alive.. So I will start posting as soon as I join the gym.. which should be very very soon..

If anyone reads this blog.. please wish me the best.. :)

The New System to my New Life-Style

I haven’t posted any updates on what I’ve been doing… It’s all good; everything in my life is kind of falling into place. Work is good, but I downgraded to part time because I never had time before to do anything OTHER than work. So today I left work at 2P.M, normally I would leave at 5:30 or 6 and I’d get home at around 7 or 8 depending on the traffic jam :S so the new system is amazing, I am home by 2:30 or MAX 3 PM…
Starting from tomorrow I’ll be going for a daily walk… up till now, I’ve been moving around and on my feet for the most of the days, ESPECIALLY today, so exercise wasn’t a problem… but I’d like to walk every day, the weather is amazing this time of the year, it’ll be like this till it’s time for me to leave, which is perfect cuz by the time am in Australia, the weather in Australia will become better (I believe so) I think the summer will be ending if am not mistaken; that’s around mid Feb or so!

Hmm, what else…!??
Well, I am currently waiting for my student Visa to be ready, once that’s completed, I can start looking for a place to live in and make flight bookings… I’ve already started shopping for stuff I’d need and so on!

As for my weight… like I mentioned before, I don’t want to obsess about weight loss,, so I haven’t done any weigh-ins lately, and I am currently not planning to.. Scales make me depressed and I’ve been having a great time lately so I don’t want to mess with that… BUT, EVERY ONE I meet has been telling me that it seems I’ve lost weight; WHICH is the MAIN reason I started this journey... So, I am Proud to say that I am still on this journey to my healthy life-style (which I am easily embracing btw).. And the fact that people are noticing that I am losing weight, and that my jeans are now a bit too loose on my hips is just so satisfying and that makes it a lot easier to not want to hop on the scales!! I actually had to stop and buy me some belts so my jeans won’t fall off of me!
I am hoping that by the time I DO decide to weigh myself, I’ll be 118 or if am THAT LUCKY 115!! Which I think might happen by the end of this month, or if my daily walks go really well, then mid December :D

Wish me luck, and I hope everyone is doing as great as me :D

I realized that ....

I have cut myself from everyone and everything this last week! And it felt damn great to shut down from all the “weight loss” crap in my head, and from my friends who now know that I am on a weight loss journey and sometimes feel so awkward when they are eating a chocolate cake, which is weird because I don’t mind that, I even had some of the cake!

So, here’s what happened! This week was supposed to be my medical examination that I needed to complete for my student visa requirements, which is such a hassle. So I went to see the doctor on Sunday night and he scolded me about me weight – as if I didn’t already scold myself – and I felt so bad because I didn’t intend to get to this weight; things happen and I decided to move on and I am now moving on!

So the doctor really got me down, and he told me that he was concerned and that I needed to see a specialist so that he makes sure that I am not medically ill and that I am otherwise healthy and able to live on my own and that my weight won’t be an obstacle when it comes to Uni. And also, since I am anemic, that made him worry even more. He put me on the scale and I weighed at 122.3 KG and he said that I should be eating 1000 calories per day, not 1200, not 1500…

He asked me to do a blood test the day after, and after the results come out, I should see the specialist. I did exactly that and for two days, I didn’t do ANYTHING, I didn’t obsess about weight stuff, about exercising or any of that. Which didn’t really feel that great, but I was so paralyzed by what the blood test results might show (I was freaked that my blood hemoglobin would be too low and that I might need a blood transfusion). So, I ate around 3 times a day, stopped when I felt that I wasn’t hungry any more, and did nothing but stay in bed and read books!

When I went to the specialist he told me that my hemoglobin was 10.3, which is still lower than the range of healthy (12 – 15) for women, but I felt great because it was higher than last time (8). He gave me iron tablets to bring that up.

Anyway, he put me on the scale, and guess what!?! I weighed 121.3 KG!!! I was thrilled; I actually lost weight in those 2 days! And today, I weighed in after 2 days and I weigh 120.7…!

I have been eating healthy for the past month or so, I have been moving around, working out whenever I am free, but not as much as I would like! If am craving brownies, I make my own, but make sure they are low fat with less calories… which is amazing because they taste great..

I realized that I can’t and won’t allow myself to be obsessed about my weight! I will still lose it, and my goal is still to be 50 Kgs by next year, but that doesn’t mean that this journey needs to take over my life… it gets me down when I weigh myself and find that I haven’t lost any weight or gained or whatever..

So what I will do now is everything I know HOW to do; keep eating healthy, eat what I want, eat less, and move around whenever I can. And that makes me happy!

Bad news + really bad news

well, the bad news is that I haven't really lost any weight, in fact, I think i might've gained! I used the hospital's scales to weigh myself

and the really bad news is that my student visa (medical check) is being delaid because of my weight! :S

I am Morbidly Obese, my BMI is 49.. and I NEED TO LOSE ATLEAST 20 KGS in the coming 2 months :(


I am very depressed, and I have no idea what the doctor will tell me when I see him after tomorrow!