Working out

I have been working out for almost a month now, and it has been working out great for me.. For the most part, I've been feeling energized, good, alert and cool. I have lost a few kilos, but it's been going up and down, which is ok for now cuz I wanna be consistent first.

It's all good!

I am proud

I haven't been exercising or working out or eating healthy, but I have been happy for quite sometime. I believe that maybe this path I am on now is going to help me lose weight. not by magic obviously. I have been very active and I have been losing weight slowly and steadily. I haven't forgotten about this journey of mine. It's just taking me a bit longer than I expected and for sometime, I got sick of it. But I know how important this is and I know how much I want it.

I know enough to say that I can see my path clearly now, and I am happy with the way things will turn out. I've learnt to appreciate myself more and stop loathing the sight of me. I stopped selling short for guyz, instead of having them accept me, I now have a set of rules about accepting them. It's about what I want and what I desire rather than what they want or desire. I think this new revelation is called self respect. I now respect myself and my body and my soul because I love myself the way I am. I am a smart independent woman, I care deeply about my family and friends and am always there to help out a friend in need. People care about me and appreciate me just as I am.

I am proud. expect more in the coming months.

Back 2 Basics §±§

That's all I wanted to say!
I am living life the best way I know how.. am doing alright for myself!!

Failing is not an issue anymore

I haven't been doing anything drastic.. but I am losing weight slowly and i like it.. it shows on me and people are noticing and I am noticing..

I am eating right, at the right times and it's all automatic.. I suppose that's the goal.. My stomach is programed now. If i eat and am full, I stop. JUST like that.. and as for exercise, it is still not in my program, but it's ok.. it's not the right time for me..

I think i am just starting to figure it out!

Failing scares the hell out of me! "One Day at a time"

So, I've been working out for the past week or so.. am too scared to tell anyone about it because am afraid i'll jinx it.. I've been saying to myself, "One Day at a Time" and it seems to be working great for me..

I hold my breath sometimes just to make sure nothing changes.. that's silly i know.. but I've been down this road before and I know how it always ends..

But I really wanna do this,, more than anything in the world, i want people to look at me and wonder for a second if am really me, because i lost so much weight.. tHIS is going to happen.. I WILL it to happen, and it will happen..

This isn't about me being motivated.. this is about me having NO other choice...

I will do this...
One Day at a time!

I am tired

I realize I haven't been posting in a for a while..

So here's what happened.. Previously in MY LIFE:

- Am Studying in Australia
- I'll be here for another Year
- I am very unhappy with my life
- I don't know how to fix it
- It's very much connected to me being overweight, actually, Obese
- I try to hide the fact that am bothered and unhappy
- It's not working out for me
- I know it's up to me, but it's not easy
- I miss my family, my friends
- I can't wait to go back home this summer/winter in australia
- I feel soooo lonely, even though am here with one of my closest friends
- I don't write as often as I'd like to.. which bothers me very much
- I spoke with this guy I was very much in love with, and felt that my life hasn't changed to the better; it's been 4 years or so
- I am 21, almost 22
- I feel like crying all the time
- I do have a problem, no one is supposed to be this unhappy and NOT do anything about it
- I know that people are going to read this, and I honestly don't care
- This is the only place I can be completely 100% my self.. and I was never able to
- I am just talking now..
- I wish I can take charge of my life

I am tired

New Beginning

I've only been in australia for one month and people already noticed my weight loss...

Even though I haven't really lost any weight.. I am home for one week, and basically everyone is very imperessed with me.. I am impressed aswell..

Anyways.. I want to keep this blog alive.. So I will start posting as soon as I join the gym.. which should be very very soon..

If anyone reads this blog.. please wish me the best.. :)

The New System to my New Life-Style

I haven’t posted any updates on what I’ve been doing… It’s all good; everything in my life is kind of falling into place. Work is good, but I downgraded to part time because I never had time before to do anything OTHER than work. So today I left work at 2P.M, normally I would leave at 5:30 or 6 and I’d get home at around 7 or 8 depending on the traffic jam :S so the new system is amazing, I am home by 2:30 or MAX 3 PM…
Starting from tomorrow I’ll be going for a daily walk… up till now, I’ve been moving around and on my feet for the most of the days, ESPECIALLY today, so exercise wasn’t a problem… but I’d like to walk every day, the weather is amazing this time of the year, it’ll be like this till it’s time for me to leave, which is perfect cuz by the time am in Australia, the weather in Australia will become better (I believe so) I think the summer will be ending if am not mistaken; that’s around mid Feb or so!

Hmm, what else…!??
Well, I am currently waiting for my student Visa to be ready, once that’s completed, I can start looking for a place to live in and make flight bookings… I’ve already started shopping for stuff I’d need and so on!

As for my weight… like I mentioned before, I don’t want to obsess about weight loss,, so I haven’t done any weigh-ins lately, and I am currently not planning to.. Scales make me depressed and I’ve been having a great time lately so I don’t want to mess with that… BUT, EVERY ONE I meet has been telling me that it seems I’ve lost weight; WHICH is the MAIN reason I started this journey... So, I am Proud to say that I am still on this journey to my healthy life-style (which I am easily embracing btw).. And the fact that people are noticing that I am losing weight, and that my jeans are now a bit too loose on my hips is just so satisfying and that makes it a lot easier to not want to hop on the scales!! I actually had to stop and buy me some belts so my jeans won’t fall off of me!
I am hoping that by the time I DO decide to weigh myself, I’ll be 118 or if am THAT LUCKY 115!! Which I think might happen by the end of this month, or if my daily walks go really well, then mid December :D

Wish me luck, and I hope everyone is doing as great as me :D

I realized that ....

I have cut myself from everyone and everything this last week! And it felt damn great to shut down from all the “weight loss” crap in my head, and from my friends who now know that I am on a weight loss journey and sometimes feel so awkward when they are eating a chocolate cake, which is weird because I don’t mind that, I even had some of the cake!

So, here’s what happened! This week was supposed to be my medical examination that I needed to complete for my student visa requirements, which is such a hassle. So I went to see the doctor on Sunday night and he scolded me about me weight – as if I didn’t already scold myself – and I felt so bad because I didn’t intend to get to this weight; things happen and I decided to move on and I am now moving on!

So the doctor really got me down, and he told me that he was concerned and that I needed to see a specialist so that he makes sure that I am not medically ill and that I am otherwise healthy and able to live on my own and that my weight won’t be an obstacle when it comes to Uni. And also, since I am anemic, that made him worry even more. He put me on the scale and I weighed at 122.3 KG and he said that I should be eating 1000 calories per day, not 1200, not 1500…

He asked me to do a blood test the day after, and after the results come out, I should see the specialist. I did exactly that and for two days, I didn’t do ANYTHING, I didn’t obsess about weight stuff, about exercising or any of that. Which didn’t really feel that great, but I was so paralyzed by what the blood test results might show (I was freaked that my blood hemoglobin would be too low and that I might need a blood transfusion). So, I ate around 3 times a day, stopped when I felt that I wasn’t hungry any more, and did nothing but stay in bed and read books!

When I went to the specialist he told me that my hemoglobin was 10.3, which is still lower than the range of healthy (12 – 15) for women, but I felt great because it was higher than last time (8). He gave me iron tablets to bring that up.

Anyway, he put me on the scale, and guess what!?! I weighed 121.3 KG!!! I was thrilled; I actually lost weight in those 2 days! And today, I weighed in after 2 days and I weigh 120.7…!

I have been eating healthy for the past month or so, I have been moving around, working out whenever I am free, but not as much as I would like! If am craving brownies, I make my own, but make sure they are low fat with less calories… which is amazing because they taste great..

I realized that I can’t and won’t allow myself to be obsessed about my weight! I will still lose it, and my goal is still to be 50 Kgs by next year, but that doesn’t mean that this journey needs to take over my life… it gets me down when I weigh myself and find that I haven’t lost any weight or gained or whatever..

So what I will do now is everything I know HOW to do; keep eating healthy, eat what I want, eat less, and move around whenever I can. And that makes me happy!

Bad news + really bad news

well, the bad news is that I haven't really lost any weight, in fact, I think i might've gained! I used the hospital's scales to weigh myself

and the really bad news is that my student visa (medical check) is being delaid because of my weight! :S

I am Morbidly Obese, my BMI is 49.. and I NEED TO LOSE ATLEAST 20 KGS in the coming 2 months :(


I am very depressed, and I have no idea what the doctor will tell me when I see him after tomorrow!

1 KG DOWN in one week!

YAAAAAAY

I am very happy... I lost one KG in a week..

and i've been eating healthy (i can still do better)
and i am working out.. i started with 30 minutes, then 45 minutes, and yesterday i did 60 minutes :D an HOUR!!! yay!!

hehehe.. i am not going to work out everyday, but atleast 4 times a week.. and i'll always make sure i get atleast 30 minutes per work out..

currently, i am trying to find something that would help me lose a LOT of weight in a short period of time, just enough to kinda show.. then i guess i'll just keep losing it :D

am also trying to find something that goes with my BODY!!

yay, wish me luck!

Online Trainer + New Goal by next Feb! :)

I am starting to feel really lousy about myself and my stupid goals that I never keep up!!


I AM SOOOOOOO SICK OF MY WEIGHT!!!!!!!!


I NEEEEEEEEEED TO LOOOOOSE IT ALLLLLLLLLL>>>


ok, so by chance the other day, I met this guy online who REALLY keeps pushing me towards my goal.. so, by the time it's time for me to leave to australia, I should be around 110 kgs or less.. am 124 at the moment.. so that's around 15 kgs in about 3 months...!!

I am happy with it.. but ofcourse, I get my depression momentS!!!!

I got in, and I don't know how to lose the weight!

So, I received my offer from Griffith University in Australia,, and I am very very happy. My friend just left to Australia about 2 hours ago, she has an English course to finish,, when she left, and I got in, I really felt a pit at the bottom of my stomach cuz this is REALLY REALLY happening,, and I still didn’t lose any weight!!

I have around 3 months now, and I just feel like I need to lose like 20 kilos :P

I don't know what to do to get there though. I am looking up for a membership at some gym, but who's to say that I'll go everyday, I am very lazy, and I work till around 5:30, sooo I'd have to go immediately after work!! that's too much I think!

totally random thought: I kinda miss having a boy friend

Still want to lose weight!

I haven’t posted anything for more than 2 weeks now! Well, I’ve had the best time those past few weeks, and I’ve been pretty happy with everything in my personal life, things were almost perfect.. and you know what, they still are, and I hope things stay this way for as long as humanly possible.

Now, about my weight loss program, well, there isn’t any! I’ve been doing what I want, eating what I want, but, my weight is not changing, so, I suppose that’s better than gaining!!

About a week ago, I went paintballing with my best friends, one of them is really gorgeous, and the other two are pretty, and we were joined by a group of marines, all of them were younger than us, about 18 yrs old till 21! And they kinda wanted to hang out with the pretty ones, and it showed.. so I felt kinda bad.. me with my extra weight and it was just bad and it still hurts..

So I suppose that made me hate myself a bit,, but I know that I still WANT to lose weight, and to be honest, I don’t know what am doing.. cuz I hate to exercise, and I don’t know what to eat!! :S

Confessions of a frustrated girl

Right now, I feel kind of frustrated..

Today I had potato chips.. I wasn't even hungry,, and while eating I knew I shouldn't be eating them.. WTF is wrong with me! I feel so freakin stupid...

and I had a chocolate bar,, it freakin has 266 calories.. wht the hell!!!

I KNOW that I am NOT supposed to be eating crap anymore...


UHG, I am just really angry...

I am not crazy, I won't kill myself, or starve myself, or make myself throw up what I ate.. but I am really frustrated with myself right now!!

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For Dinner I had some traditional food from my country that I just have no idea how to describe or how much calories it had.. but that doesn't matter.. cuz in a week, things will go back to normal, and I can really look at what am eating and figure stuff out for real...


Still NOT working out YET...

I am talking, err, typing!

Hi


So, I changed my Goal to 50 kgs /110 lbs, someone told me I shouldn't and that I should keep on the 60kgs/132 lbs.. but I looked into it, and i'd still look fat at a 60, cuz am REALLY short..


So it's better this way.. I will get there,, and NOTHING will stop me..

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I am still sick, now I am coughing and my nose is running 24/7... I didn't go to work, YAY :P


emm, what else, yesterday I had a light food day, I had crackers and water all day till dinner, then I had some rice with beef steak, tasted pretty good, and I had some soup, and some samoosa.. ok, so maybe it wasn't light..I think dinner was really heavy, but it's fine cuz I had it early, and I stayed withing the range or my daily calorie intake :)


'till next time...................

Still Sick + Food Diary + Mini Changes in the blog + Mini Goal

Still Sick
I am sooo tired.. my throat is better today, but now the flu kicks in and I am starting to cough... help me god.. gosh I am soooo exhausted, and I haven't been drinking any water.. pretty hard to swallow anything.. except tea.. I've had about 7 tea with milk and sugar cups in the past 2 days!!!!!!!!!

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Food Diary
All i've been eating is saultine crackers with the tea..
last night i had some rice with meat balls for dinner..
I think my calorie intake yesterday was less than 1000!

today I only had crackers with tea for breaky..
I will have a good dinner, and am still not sure what mom made for lunch!!!
oh well.. will figure it out..

I am doing SOMETHING right cuz I lost some weight! :)


PS: still not working out!

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Mini Changes in the blog
I added some motivational kinda pictures to the blog, just to remember my goal..
Thank god my friends don't know about this blog :P they woulda thought I was a lesbian!!!! hehehehehe

And I also added my Spark people page under the links.. if anyone wants to check my nutrition facts and all what i've been eating, u can do that by going to my spark page, and it's there somewhere on the page..
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Mini Goal
I lost some stuff...

here's my mini goal tracker...



can't wait to get there!!!

Fallen Sick + Mini Goal here I come

I've fallen sick today, my throat is killing, feels sooooooo horrible..
I am exhausted all the time..and the flu is probably coming tomorrow!

My food diary is crappy for the past few days.. I still don't know what's good for me and what's not.. but I am giving it time and trying stuff out..

My diet still consists of fat mostly, I need more carbs.. trying to have low fat milk whenever I remember.. had a fruit salad last night..

so am getting there..

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I lost some stuff...

here's my mini goal tracker...



can't wait to get there!!!

lost some

yay, i lost 2 kgs..

i know it's not much.. but i've only been watching my food, trying to have 3 main meals with healthy snacks in between.. haven't started working out yet..

i am kinda scared of starting.. cuz i've worked out before, the longest i have was 4 months and i stopped after that.. so, i dnt wanna stop... so,, am trying to lose some kilos before i start the real work... i wanna be lighter while working out..

maybe it's just mental, but i've been having knee pains lately, hence the panic I had when I saw my weight at 125 kg..

sooo,, if i keep losing weight without working out, i will do that.. untill i stop losing weight, then i think i'll start working out..

i don't know,, i am playing this by ear and seeing how things go..!!

Diary + Virtual me

I am so tired today..

I didnt eat all that much each meal, the main food I've got today was dinner at about 6:30..

No breakfast cuz I woke up at 12:30 pm.
had water, about 600ml

Lunch, I had some japanese rise crackers, some nuts
More Water

some nuts in the middle here, about 10 peices of cashews and almonds about 6 or 7
More water

Dinner, I had a serving of rice with meat
two spoons of homemade lasagna, and I cheated by eating two more spoons of cheese from the top of the lasagna

mid-night snack, a sandwich (low fat chedder cheese, some pizza tomato sauce-ready made one) wholemeal grain or something.
more water..

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Check out Virtual me on the side.. looks pretty cool..

can't wait to look like Goal Virtual me :D